We suggest that this pattern can be explained by a process in which members in a polycule learn how to positively interact with one another and develop established roles that allow for increased harmony and even mutual regard. This idea of learning in polyamory through concrete lived experience has previously been noted by other researchers studying polyamory. For example, Bove’s investigation into the relationships between male metamours makes use of Kolb’s model of learning, in which people learn through a cycle that involves the lived experience of a phenomenon in the world, observation and reflection about that experience, testing one’s new conceptualizations based on that phenomenon, and a return to reflection and repeated reconceptualization. Through this iterative process of lived experience and reflection, individuals learn to behave in ways that are conducive to positive polyamorous experiences, and groups learn to accommodate one another’s needs.

"Storming then Performing": Historical Non-Monogamy and Metamour Collaboration